I Can Do It Myself!

Sooo serious.

I'm talking about the physical therapist. I think he left his smile muscles at home.

"Bend your neck this way. Turn your head that way. Is that the best you can do?"

Uhhh ...yeah! I AM 61 years old today, you know.

"Do it again."

He gets his angle-measuring thingie out. Writes down some numbers.

I sit there cracking my gum, thinking about my Biggby birthday coupon and wondering what I'll "spend" it on and whether I'll buy a chocolate chip scone to go with it.

"Point to the exact spot where it hurts."

There is none. It just aches all over. Sometimes maybe right here. 

"Does it hurt more when I press here? Or here?"

It's kind of like trying to tell the eye doctor if this (click, click) or this (click, click) is most clear.

Okay, it hurts there. Kinda. Not really.

Can I go now?

"What is your pain level at its least? What is it at its most? What exacerbates or relieves the pain? What is your pain level right now?"

Ackkkk!

"Your insurance allows 60 visits. You might need to pay 10%. We'll start with 3 visits a week."

Start with?

"Yes, for 30 minutes each, for 4 weeks. Then we'll reevaluate. Here are some exercises to start at home."

Please, just smile.

I head out to the counter and struggle through trying to set up a series of appointments.

I look at the exercises. Easy. Yep. I remember all those from last time. And if I'd been faithful in the easy things . . .

So in some sense, I deserve this discomfort. A consequence of disobedience to directions.

I head straight to Biggby where they smile. I still can't make up my mind and tell the barista to choose for me. I end up with a skinny mocha raspberry. Yum! I bypass the scone since I already had two in the past week.

Sometimes I have a problem with self-discipline. Not today.

********
I cancelled my appointments. I can't justify the time and money spent to have someone do for me what I can and should do for myself. I can't justify spending money to relieve discomfort when the same money could save a life--like helping send a PT to Haiti, or providing relief packs for at least 10 families for a week through Compassion International, or investing in a passport and updating my own immunizations in the event I can provide hands-on relief.

Sometimes I have a problem with stubbornness.

But I can do it myself. 

And I still refuse to fall apart.

Have you suffered any consequences due to stubbornness or lack of  self-discipline? 

" . . . he who does not use his endeavors to heal himself is brother to him who commits suicide." Proverbs 18:9b (Amplified--from Septuagint)

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

Haiti Earthquake - I Want to Run

Heartbroken by the images. Overwhelmed by the tragedy.

I want to run. Away from the news reports and the graphic images.

I want to run. Away from the tweets and all the ways to help.

I searched for Haiti on Twitter. The number of incoming tweets in less than a minute sucked the air out of my gut.

Here I sit. In my quiet office looking out on a quiet field. Snow white.

And I want to run. Forget.

I can't imagine the fear, the pain, the screams, the smells. And I look out on the quiet field and see blood on the snow. Mangled, dead, and decaying people. Broken people. Parents and children and spouses.

Death. Brokenness. Fear. Grief. Disease.

And I want to run.

TO Haiti. To help. DO something.

And I can't. And I shouldn't. For now.

So I run to my knees.

And I pray for compassion. I pray for Compassion. And for the children. And for their sponsors here who wait for word. To find out if their child is living or dead. I know that feeling. I felt that during the upheaval in Kenya where our child lives.

And I pray over what I can send, what I am willing to give up, what I am WILLING to send, to an organization I can trust to deliver my compassion to where it's needed.

I want to run.

But there is no place to run. Except to the arms of the Source of compassion.

And I pray. It's the least I can do. And the most.

For now.

Consider donating to Compassion International's Haiti Earthquake Response Fund

Why Compassion International?
1. They already serve more than 65,000 children in Haiti.
2. At least a third of those children live in hardest-hit areas.
3. They are already working locally and with the high integrity.

NOTE:

All funds raised in response to the Haiti earthquake will be used immediately to provide for Compassion-assisted children and families affected by this crisis. Any funds raised in excess will be stewarded by Compassion for additional and future disaster relief efforts.
You can provide immediate relief today.
• $35 helps provide a relief pack filled with enough food and water to sustain a family for one week.
• $70 gift helps care for their needs for two weeks.
• $105 helps provide relief packs filled with enough food and water to sustain two families for two weeks.
• $210 gift helps care for two families' needs.
• $525 helps provide relief packs filled with enough food and water to sustain 10 families for two weeks.
• $1,050 gift helps care for 10 families' needs.
• $1,500 helps rebuild a home.
• $2,100 helps supply 20 families with the basics for three weeks.
Due to the high number of responses it may take longer than normal to process your transaction.

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King