Monday, April 12, 2010

No Regrets

My daughter and my niece. Both due in June.

I'm 61 years old. And almost a half.

You'd think I'd be over it by now.

I am. Mostly.

But sometimes I still sense the faintest twinge of jealousy.

A ripple of regret.

A sliver of sadness.

A pensive moment of wonder.

What would it have been like to see my belly ripple?

To feel an inward wave of movement?

A kick of life?

And yes. Even the nausea and the fatigue and the bloat.

The miracle of creation.

Begetting. Bearing. Birthing.

With one request.

An identical outcome.

Because I can't imagine any other life.

 Abby and Jeremy - ages 6 months and 4 years. (1989)

And so I embrace what is.

Because it was.

Planned and purposed.

Before my time.

A miracle of creation.

From an empty womb.

Pregnant with faith.

Perfused with love.

Heart stretched past capacity.


Blessing begats blessing.

 Granddaughter Gracee - age 5-1/2 (2007)

And life is a kick.

No regrets.

(No stretch marks, either.)

" . . . we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!" Romans 5:5 (The Message)

Can you live a life with no regrets? Can you embrace what is?

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King


Melinda Lancaster said...

Very moving post, Snady. It's amazing how God turns loss into gain in ways we would never have imagined.

I am trying to be content with the inability to walk and the loss of function for 14 yrs. Still working on that.

You inspire me.

Jeff Jordan said...

Your beautiful words flow from an obviously beautiful heart. I'm feeling guilty now for not appreciating my charmed life of ease, comfort and expectations easily met...thanks for the reminder to appreciate what I have and the purpose in it all.

S. Etole said...

It's a struggle at times ...

Sandra Heska King said...

@Melinda: I hate that you struggle so. Suddenly the book, "Gaining Through Losing" by Evelyn Christenson came to mind. Did you ever read it? You inspire me!

@Jeff: Thank you for your sweet comment. But no guilt. I just went to your blog and reread your fostering posts. I see a family with such tender hearts for others who hurt. You inspire me, too!

@Susan: But strength does not come without struggle. You are such a blessing!

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