Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I Have These Scars


I have this scar.

It's fully four inches long and runs from the center of my palm up the inside of my wrist, skimming the vein. Pooh, a part Siamese from years past, sat on the kitchen counter, focused on something invisible in the sink. So focused that when I picked him up, he went beserk. And I dripped blood everywhere.

I remember.

I have this scar.

An inch long below my left knee and a couple of puncture wounds. From surgery due to a severed ACL--from a Cocoa Beach wave that knocked me off balance while I splashed in the shallows. We had just returned from a cruise and still had a couple days of vacation in Florida before we drove back to Michigan. Our car broke down on the way home and left us stranded in Kentucky for two extra days.

I remember.

I have these scars.

On my belly. From an ovarian cyst. From reconstructive tubal surgery in our quest for a baby. From a tubal pregnancy. From which I came close to not surviving. Two of the scars run perpendicular to each other and remind me of a cross. I used to be able to see it better when I looked down. I also have scars from a gallbladder removal that remind me of the Grand Hotel and hiking around Mackinac Island and concern about every twinge of discomfort and my daughter's phone call telling me I had an appointment with a surgeon.

I remember.

I have these scars.

Still. All over. Especially on my legs. From liquid nitrogen spray. Memories of several trips to the dermatologist last year that left me looking like I had chicken pox. Skin lesions zapped, leaving--well, skin lesions. And the hole in my hairline from the excision of a blue nevus, and then a deeper excision.

I remember.

I have these scars.

On my heart. From hurts endured. From hurts inflicted. That I allowed to be inflicted. Through decisions I made. Out of love and desperation. Yet out of stupidity. That caused life-changing scars for someone I love. Toughened scars. But tender still. Very tender. Memories I want to forget. Wipe away. But I can't. And I weep sometimes in the night. And in the day.

I remember.

But I don't want to.

He has these scars.

On His back and on His head and in His wrists and in His feet and in His side. Inflicted from stupidity. And from greed. And from jealousy. And from hate. Yet self-inflicted. Out of love. Because He was desperate. For me.

He remembers.

Me.

"See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." Isaiah 49:15a

Where are your scars?

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

31 comments:

caryjo said...

I'm not going to go into any "scar" detail... physically and emotionally have piles upon piles, both given and received.

HOWEVER, one of my very favorite verses is the one you listed and I love it in the Amplified: Behold, I have indelibly imprinted (tattooed) a picture of you on the palm of each of My hands..

There are times when just knowing that is all I need to know.

Sandra Heska King said...

I LOVE that version. That's so much for sharing it.

Lisa Jordan said...

Such a beautiful post. Thanks so much for sharing your scars and reminding us about His scars. Humbling. Undeserving. Yet given as a gift.

Glynn said...

I have one on my left elbow -- where surgery was done to get at what might be bone cancer. I have one on my chin, where I fell in high school and had to get stitches. And one on my ankle from when I was 12 and a kid rammed my bike. But they're nothing in comparison.

Jenn Zuniga said...

wow, this is so great to read today! Thank you for this visit to your blog :) I have felt vulnerable lately in the same areas of inner strength and so this is such a great reminder today at the right timing, to snuggle in closer to the One who completely understands! Big love, Jenn

Sandra Heska King said...

@Lisa: Thank you. And yet even our scars are His gift to us.

@Glynn: Your chin scar reminds me of my son's. He got that one chinning himself on the dining room buffet. I remember the EMT in the ER making him sign (in his own scribble as he was a little tike) that he'd never chin himself again. That was one of many ER visits with both our kids.

Sandra Heska King said...

Hi Jenn! I'm glad you stopped in today! I love His timing. And I love the snuggle time with Him, too! Hugs.

Duane Scott said...

I have this scar... on my back, but you already know about that one.

This was a beautiful post. I loved the closing thoughts.

Jeff Jordan said...

such a beautiful post...makes me feel guilty even mentioning my only real scar-a whitish patch of hairless skin just below my right knee from years of sliding while playing baseball...strawberries we called them back then because of the blood that festered from the abrasion. About the time they would crust over good I would slide again and tear it off. Now, all that's left is the empty patch where fruit once lived...miss those days...

Sandra Heska King said...

@Duane: That scar is a holy scar.

http://duane-scott.net/in-case-you-missed-it/

Sandra Heska King said...

@Jeff: Thanks.

Owwwie on the strawberry. I've seen some wicked slides lately. Do the big league guys wear something to protect themselves?

S. Etole said...

Joanne and I were discussing this verse just a couple of days ago and the beauty of His bearing our pain. My scars ... a road map of mishap and recovery ... sorta. Some scars hide irreversible damage.

Jeff Jordan said...

Heck,
My nine year old son has sliding pants that he wears under his regular pants. they cover the backside well, but not the knees. Me? My parents couldn't afford regular britches much less the sliding pants:) I can hear my dad calling me "sissy pants" right now.

Sandra Heska King said...

@Susan: I hear ya. So glad His grace provides a balm to soften the damage.

Sandra Heska King said...

@Jeff: Or "sissy pantless." So the "big boys" must wear something--but it must be so hot! I don't know how they can stand to wear so much (even undershirts under their jerseys) and not totally pass out in 90-degree weather!

Billy Coffey said...

I'm covered with scars, from the strawberries Jeff mentioned (we got some of those on the same ballfield at the same time, I believe) to others. I used to hate them. Now I think they help to make me who I am.

Loved this post, Sandra.

Deidra said...

i have that c-section scar that many women carry with them and i complained about it - once - to my husband who said, "That's not a scar. It's a badge of honor."

sweet man, that one. i wear that badge proudly.

Jill Kemerer said...

Touching. Your voice is so poetic. This moved me.

Sandra Heska King said...

@Billy: So you and Jeff are strawberry brothers. Scars do tell a story.

@Deidre: Badge of honor. Badge of love. Indeed! My daughter has one of those now, too.

@Jill: Ooooh. You've touched me. Thanks.

Connie Arnold said...

What a beautiful, well written post that brought tears to my eyes! Thank you, and bless you, Sandra.

Sandra Heska King said...

From Brenda (cuz word verification didn't work for her):

"I don't think you really want to know where all of my scars are, so I'll skip that to say that I loved this post. :))"

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

I am glad this was featured at HCB today; I missed it in my Reader earlier this week - it's been a week. Do you really think He was so desperate for us? Love like that, from God who is sufficient in Himself - it makes you think, makes you feel...

Thank you for this.

Sandra Heska King said...

It was??? Wow. I haven't been there yet today. I better go check it out.

Sandra Heska King said...

P.S. This post can also be found on my new blog here:
http://sandraheskaking.com/2010/07/i-have-these-scars/

And the other featured posts can be found here: http://highcallingblogs.com/10563/around-the-network-4/

Angel @ Finding The Inspiring said...

Great post. We are all scarred in some way aren't we? And how beautiful the reminder of the other scars - the ones He bore and the ones that speak of His great love for us.

Karen Swim said...

Oh Sandra, such a beautiful love song to the One who bore the ultimate scars! I will never look at an injury the same way again.

Meredith Gould said...

Wow. Brenda Finkle sent your deeply moving post around to the Virtual Abbey prayer team and I'm so blessed that she did.

Anne Lang Bundy said...

All those scars ...

Snady, I have to wonder, because much of what you're writing about these days seems to mirror what I'm working on. I've already written a post for the "Laughter" blog carnival that makes your scars tangible across the internet. (But then, we're not so many miles apart, are we?)

Anne Lang Bundy said...

PS ~ I seem to have missed the news of a new site before now. I'm glad to have caught that and just added it to my RSS feed. Whew! ; )

Sandra Heska King said...

@Angel, @Karen, @Meredith, @Anne: You have all touched my heart. I reposted your comments over at the transferred post on my new blog so I didn't lose them. Hugs.

sandraheskaking (dot)com

From Tracie said...

I have scars....physical ones and heart ones. The ones that cut deep and still give pain.

His scars cover each of mine....and give me the hope of healing and the assurance that one day the pain will be no more.

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