Sunday, October 4, 2009

Don't Look Back - Part 2

I graduated from a diploma nursing school in 1969 and then worked off and on in various specialties.  Even went on to earn a bachelor's degree at Michigan State.  I haven't worked in the field for years, but I still complete the continuing education credits to maintain my license.  There's security in knowing I could get a job if I needed to.  Also, I still give a fantastic shot, which might come in handy in some crisis or some medical mission opportunity.

In more recent years, I worked in the medical transcription field because it was a health career I could practice from home.  I became certified.  I found meaning in helping to document health stories and in teaching others how to do it well.

Hidden stories.  Suffering locked in private pillars.

A sense of restlessness nibbled at my spirit.  And then, for a multitude of reasons, I reached a point of exhaustion.

I've been on "sabbatical" now for about a year.  As part of that rest, I undertook a major decluttering of my home, heart, and head.  Tossing earthly treasures.  Also, our church studied the book, Holy Discontent, by Bill Hybels, and my husband and I participated in a small group.  I realized that described my current state.

Not so much a "firestorm of frustration" but a smoldering sense of discontent that my life was not yet branded with eternal significance.  I explored my Popeye potential and listened intently for my inner music.

And I looked back.

I remembered that I've loved to write since I was a child.  Our mailman delivered my first rejection letter before I was a teenager.  I had written a Nancy Drew type mystery where I caught the bad guys down by our lake and sent it to the local newspaper like Little Women's Jo. 

(I burned that letter and the returned story, by the way.  Up in smoke.  A pile of ashes.)

I remembered weaving in and out of the writing world over the years with some pieces published.  Finding spin-around, dancing joy in studying and sharing what I learned as a speaker and teacher.  Watching others light up with understanding and excitement.

While I've been resting and decluttering, I've started studying again.  And teaching.  And writing.  I'm sleeping less.  And feeling more awake.  More energized.

And I'm sensing a season of change.  A calling out.  To where it's scary and insecure.  Where giants roam.  To write a new story.  Seeking to salt.

I don't know if I'll make any money.  I don't know if God wants me to.  Might have to eat manna instead of leeks and drink water instead of Starbucks.  Might have to sell my dulcimer and harp.  But I HAVE to do this.

So I'm moving forward.  Into the unknown.

Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.  Pressing on.  Unleashing potential.  Spreading salt.  Embracing risk.

To teach and to write.

Full-time.

And I won't look back.


Have you experienced a holy discontent?  Are you following it?  Are you moving forward?



Copyright © 2009 by Sandra Heska King

8 comments:

Jeannine said...

I love reading your blogs! They are such an inspiration. You have made me laugh outloud and have also made me cry because of your ability to touch that special part of my heart where underlying feelings have been tucked away in an effort not to thought of as wimpy, etc. The gift that God has given you is an awesome one and I thank him for our friendship and pray that he continues to use you as a tool to help me learn and become a better person and able to deal with some of the bumps in the road that I have stumbled on! Thank you again, dear friend! Jeannine

Sandy/Snady said...

Oh Jeannine! Now I'm crying. It's amazing to me how God knits His people together even starting at an MT forum. It's been a privilege to share part of your story and to have you share mine. You'll never know how much you blessed me tonight, friend.

Love you,
Sandy (AKA Pansy)

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

I will keep you lifted in prayer.

Your fellow sojourner,

BeckyJoie

Sandy/Snady said...

Thanks, Becky Joie!

Moving forward with you,
Sandy

~~Melinda Y.~~ said...

Reading your blog post reminds me alot of something I see everytime I watch my favorite college team play football. They start every game by RUNNING out of a tunnel. In all the years I have watched this I have never seen a single player look back.

Is this a picture of what our lives should look like when our "Head Coach" calls us onto the playing field of life?

Isn't there always rejoicing on the field & in the stadium as plays are executed perfectly?
Are there moments of victory & moments of defeat? certainly. However, following God's plan to his glory we are always assured of victory in this life.

Thanks for an awesome blog post:)

Your Teammate in Christ,
Melinda

Sandy/Snady said...

Oh Melinda!

This is the first thing I saw this morning. What an AWESOME analogy! I know you are a teammate and not the "water woman," but you have given me a most refreshing drink! Thank you.

Beholding GOD with you,
Snady

Eileen Astels Watson said...

Sandy, I'm currently in a holy discontent mode i think. I'm constantly striving to hear His guidance and it all just seems blank as of late.

I'm thrilled that you have a direction and hope back in your life. May your journey be blessed beyond your imagination!

Sandy/Snady said...

Hi Eileen!

I'm so glad you've stopped by. I think sometimes we struggle too hard to hear Him when He just wants us to be still and know. At least I know I do.

Thank you for your encouragement, and I'm counting on seeing you again.

Hugs,
Sandy

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