Wednesday, October 7, 2009

T Minus One Hour and Counting

In the middle of writing a serious post today, my brain cells screamed for coffee.  As I slid back, my headset caught on my chair and clattered to the floor bringing several pieces of paper fluttering down with it.  As I headed across the room, I slipped on several sheets of paper and bounced off the door frame.  I tiptoed around 4 pairs of shoes lining the stairway and stepped over a pair of Gracee's socks in the living room.  I scowled at the tumbleweed of dog hair in the corner, the crayons and "art work" on the table, dishes and crumbs on the sink.

I rose to my full 5 feet 2 (and a half) inches and growled, "That's all I can stands.  I can't stands no more!"

I rustled in the cupboard for a can of spinach, but the only power food I could find was a few chocolate chips scattered on the shelf.

Commence Big Sweep!

A one-hour countdown to imaginary company.

Also known as Operation Double Booster Declutter (ODBD).

You, too, can institute this procedure at any time of day or night.  Here it is blow by blow, step by step.

More organized clean freaks (OCFs) will probably just want to stop here and move on to prepare some specialty tea in a fragile china cup and enjoy it with some of their homemade biscotti in a sparkling nook.  The one near the window framed by freshly washed curtains swaying in a soft breeze.

CAUTION:  Not necessarily green approved. 

1.  Strip as bare as you dare.  Prepare to sweat (ummm, glisten).

2.  Get a large garbage bag, a laundry basket, 2 bins, and a high-quality feather duster.

3.  Pour a pail of water and mix with your favorite cleaning solution.  Set it on a table so you don't kick it over.  Breathe deeply for energy.

4.  No music.  No TV.  Ignore the phone.  No distractions.  You must focus.  Prayer is okay, but only in grunts and groans.

5.  Set your timer for one hour.  GO!

6.  Grab your laundry basket and whisk up all dirty clothes strewn hither and yon.  It's okay to grab a few clean out-of-place items.

7.  Start a load of laundry.  No matter how small.  Scentsation is all important.

8.  Gather up all clean clothes (you know, the stuff that's been waiting around for a few days to be put away) and deposit them in the appropriate bedrooms.  Deposit only.  You may stack linens in the closet.

9.  Place your bins and garbage bag in a central area.  You will run back and forth and shed a few ounces in the process.

10.  Anything that belongs somewhere else goes in bin #1.

11.  Anything you are not sure of goes in bin #2.

12.  Trash goes in bag.  Duh.

13.  Do not think too hard.  Try to get more stuff in bin #2 and the trash bag.  We are not recycling today.  Well...okay.  Newspapers, magazines, cans and plastic in bin #1.

14.  Run through the house with the feather duster.  Concentrate on visible dust and cobwebs.  Check near the ceiling.

15.  Dance with the vacuum.  Fast.

16.  Put items from bin #1 away.  Hide bin #2.

17.  Transfer clothes to dryer.  Quickly wash any dishes.

18.  Dump some cleaning solution down all sinks and into toilets.  Swish, swish.  Wipe down counters with whatever is closest at hand.  Hang fresh hand towels.

19.  Close bedroom doors.  You'll deal with them tomorrow.  Toss garbage bag.

20.  Take a deep breath.  Look around.  Sigh. smile.  Resume regular programming.

Note to self:  At next power surge, immediately transfer anything still in bin #2 to trash bag or giveaway box.  If you can remember where bin #2 is.

Second note to self:  Vow not to let things get out of control.  Again.

Copyright © 2009 by Sandra Heska King


prayer bedes said...

Wonderful post! I think you and I would get along great. =)

prayer bedes said...

I like the "pretend company is coming in a hour" tactic you posted on twitter too.

Sandy/Snady said...

LOL! Sometimes there are just more important things than cleaning. ;)

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