Friday, November 6, 2009

I Don't Remember

I read something in a blog today that made me remember a tale from high school.

I'd really rather not.

I was a sophomore or junior. Not sure which. I had a steady boyfriend. I wore his class ring wrapped with angora or mohair yarn, often rewrapped to match my clothing.

We went to a party. I don't remember it. I drank vodka. Straight, I think. I don't remember.

He took me to a friend's house where a girlfriend tried to sober me up. I don't remember.

I don't remember coming home. It wouldn't have been late because my curfew coincided with my grade in school. I faintly remember walking past my mom. I don't remember going to bed.

I panicked the next morning when I felt my naked finger. I ripped the covers off the bed. Searched under the pillows and on the floor. I called his sister and asked if we had broken up. She didn't know.

So I prayed. I bargained. "Please God. If you help me find this ring, I will never do anything like this again. I promise!"

I ran out to the driveway. There lay the ring at my feet. How did it get there? I don't remember. But I believe God directed me straight to it.

It happened again a few years later, though. Another boyfriend. The one I "Dear John'd" when I met Dennis.

We were at his parents' house. I think it was tequila this time. I remember being in the bathroom with his sister, washing my left ring finger and crying about a ring that I never had. I don't remember.

That was the last time. Thank goodness.

Stuff I'd rather not remember. Stuff He brings to my remembrance to remind me that:

  • When I fail Him, He never fails me.
  • When I fall down, He picks me up.
  • When I am a promisebreaker, He is a promisekeeper.

Sins forgiven and forgotten.

I remember.

What do you remember that you'd rather forget?

"Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD." ~Psalm 25:7

Copyright © 2009 by Sandra Heska King


SharonB said...

So thankful that He forgets our sins.... as far as the east is from the west! Unfortunately our enemy LOVES to remind us where we have repeatedly failed.

Sandra Heska King said...

Yes, he does. But we get the last laugh!

~~Melinda Y.~~ said...

In my Sr.year of HS, I had gone to a party w/some friends in which I had not driven. The party was @ a 25 story condo near downtown West Palm Bch.
I woke up the next morning laying on the concrete, btwn 2 cars on the 4th or 5th level of the parking garage, I don't remember how I got there or anything that happened the nite before...

I wish there was an "undo" button for somethings.

Thanking God for "undo" buttons in eternity:)

Sandra Heska King said...

Oh my! My first impulse was to giggle. But really - it's astounding how some of us survived!

Thanks for sharing this. Would love for others to "come clean." It gives me hope.

And I agree with the "undo" button. There are things in my life that don't bring giggles. Just deep, deep pain. And when they rise to the surface, I push them down again - under the blanket of His love and grace. Grateful that He is sovereign and merciful. Some day the time will be right to share. I know our overcoming brings healing to others. And maybe that's why He left off the "undo."

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